Doing the "Happy Dance"!!

After reviewing my blog, I see there are so many details and aspects of "my story" that I have left out and wanted to write about. But maybe that is better. I hate to subject you to some of my digresses and ramblings. And I had so wanted to make it more interesting with some pictures and a more appealing format. Oh well!

So today I am in an incredibly better frame of mind than I have been for some time now. It has been difficult to maintain a positive attitude with the uncertainty of where this cancer would lead me. The beginning of February, the doctors told me that my cancer was very aggressive and that I was looking at a year or two of treatments and followups. I was even told, in so many words, that I should "put my affairs in order". In my mind, I had been given a death sentence. Over the past six weeks I have mulled over the many different scenarios: intensive chemotherapy with good success, intensive chemo with only a slight increase in life span, or no chemo but with quality -  of (however much) life -  over quantity of life. But whatever scenario was to take place, any decisions were going to be made based on educating myself completely on my different options. But just the fact that this type of decision HAD to be made was terrifying. Mortality was slapping me in the face.

But today, I am doing the Happy Dance!! I have had a reprieve! After another CT scan last week, there was no sign of the primary cancer. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that it is not there. It just means the cancer cannot be found and is "of unknown origin". So rather than willy-nilly treating me with chemo, they are not treating me at all. Their logic; chemo can do more harm than good at this point and if they treat something they cannot see or find, there is no way of telling if the chemo is doing any good. So yes, it is a reprieve only. The cancer is likely, eventually, to grow and show up and I might need treatment then. Just when (months or years?) is in the hands of the powers that be.

However, for the immediate future, I am not quite yet out of the woods. There are a few more tests I have to go through. There is still the colonoscopy to do. (The last one I was suppose to do in February got cancelled as I was so sick with the flu.) And they are going to do a CT scan on my head to make sure no cancer has metastasized to my brain. (I have had some vertigo the last six months.) My oncologist does not think this likely but wants to cover all basis. Then I have to see a Gastro-Intestinal oncologist/specialist  on April 27, I assume to go over results of the colonoscopy. And then another CT scan mid May to make sure the cancer has not reared it's ugly head again, and finally the Medical oncologist again on May 22 to go over everything to date. After that, I assume I will continue to have, at least semi-annually, CT Scans indefinitely.

Meanwhile, I will carry on with my new diet and do everything I possibly can to create an environment in my body that is hostile to the growth of new cancer cells. I will eat, breath, and sleep all things healthy! (Does that mean the rum and cokes will have to go? Oh Nooooo!)

And Neil and I will take life much less seriously (that does not mean less valuably), have more fun, and pretend we have won the lottery (although right now I feel as if I had), and go to the sun and sand, drink those cocoa locos, and revel in each others company.

I will  carry on making posts, but probably on the "month by month" schedule, as I learn more from the tests and doctors over the next few months. Who knows, maybe this will turn into a REAL "journey" blog, as Neil and I start our new lease on life and see more of the world.

Once again, thank you for all the good vibes, thoughts, energy and prayers sent my way. That might be what made the difference in the latest developments. I know they helped me through the last month, knowing I was loved and cared about.

Dana

PS. For those of you that were using my dananeil@lincsat.com email address, that address is now closed. My danamacb@gmail.com is the one I am using.

More like "Month by Month", isn't it?

Hmmm! I guess I should have called my blog "month-by-month"! I have not been as prolific in my writing as I thought (or hoped) I would. My apologies to anyone that has been checking regularly to get updates. But this is my normal  modus operandi. I sit in front of the computer and don't know where to begin. So I don't. But I can procrastinate no longer so - here I go.

It is now almost three weeks since I have arrived in Victoria. And so far, I am a little disappointed in the weather. I had expected the annual flower count to be in full swing, to see daffodils and tulips blooming everywhere. Instead, it has been quite windy, overcast, and very cold. A few nights it has dropped below freezing and I actually saw a few snowflakes. But I feel spring in the air and am anticipating the first beautiful day of sunshine. Soon??

So - an update. My last one left off just after we had finally gotten our water lines up and running, and with so much to do before we left for the coast. Well, that didn't happen. Neil and I both got totally laid out with the nastiest flu either of us could remember having. So the laundry got left undone, floors unwashed, and the house a disaster. We did manage to get our suitcases packed with the minimal amount of clothing that was still clean.

Our first few days here were difficult. We didn't quite know what to do with ourselves while we waited for the oncologist appointment. Then Neil went back to work and Zack and I tried to settle in. It was harder on Zack than me. He just hadn't gotten used to my family yet. But he is getting more comfortable by the day. He has found a nice cozy spot under an unused table and that is where he escapes to when things get a little rowdy around here.

I managed to get into see the oncologist within a week of getting here. I liked him. He was open, honest and forthright. He pulled no punches. As all the blood work that I had done in the preceding 3 months all showed clean tumor markers for all of my organs, he didn't think the cancer was in those organs. The cancer I have is a metastasized one. A metastasized cancer is a cancer that travels from one site in the body ( the "primary" site) and shows up (attaches so to speak) to another, secondary site, in the body. In my case, the ovary. Usually, the cell structure in the secondary site is characteristic of the cells in the primary site. The "lump' that was  taken out of me had a cell structure similar to those in the colon. So this is where they are assuming the cancer started. But more testing was needed to see if it could be found. Once found, a plan of attack could be formulated.

Meanwhile, my sister Melanie and her daughter Mira came up from Seattle with the intentions of getting me back to health after my surgery, and taking a proactive stand against this cancer. I was put on a strict diet that was full of lots of colorful fruits and vegetables  (all full of anti-oxidants and having cancer fighting properties), little meat and no dairy. (I did sneak in my two cups of weak coffee every morning!). This diet, along with some supplements, was to give my body a good cleanse. But more specifically, it was a colon cleanse. In solidarity for me, (and I must give them all credit for doing this when they didn't have to), Melanie, Mira, and Marjie all went on the cleanse too. It was an interesting two weeks. The subject of "poop" monopolized a good portion of our conversation!

In general, all is going well here. I am feeling good. Definitely getting stronger after that nasty surgery. But I miss home. Maybe this is good for me, to get off the mountain for a while.  I am always afraid that I will turn into one of those crazy "Grizzly Adams" types and chase people away with a sling shot or something.

But I do have some good news. But right now I am so tired I can't keep my head up. So - I promise to try to get back to this in the morning. Good night and I hope this finds you all well.

Dana

Sadness

It is with great sadness that I write today. A friend in Christina Lake lost her long battle with cancer this past week. Although I was not as close to Judy as many of my friends were, I knew her well enough to know that she was a wonderful mother and wife, and a true and loyal friend. I am sorry that I am not at the Lake right now to share in the grief that is being felt by so many. But here in Victoria, I grieve for her in my own way. I admired Judy for her strength, courage, bravery and determination in her fight against this devastating disease.

Judy's battle started about 6 years ago with breast cancer. After the treatment process (many chemo treatments) and a long recovery, it seemed that she had it beat. However, last year the cancer returned. The fear of most cancer patients had been realized. The cancer had metastasized to other parts of her body. This past year she fought valiantly to overcome her disease. She passed peacefully on Feb 23rd.

Just starting this process and battle myself, I cannot even begin to understand what she has gone through. I know the toll it has taken on me, Neil,  my family, and those close to me in my four months of tests, surgeries, and diagnosis. It is an emotional, psychological, and physical roller coaster. Fear, hope, empathy (for anyone that has gone through this, either themselves or watching a loved one go through it), anger, frustration,  and resignation are just a few of the emotions I have experienced. And I am sure there are other stages I have yet to experience.

Now my heart goes out to her family and friends. I can only hope that the grief they feel right now will soon turn to peacefulness and eventually to joy because they had (and in their hearts will continue to have) Judy as such a large and important part of their lives.

As to my own progress, I will post very soon  This post I want to be a tribute to Judy, her family and friends, and all those who have had cancer affect their lives.

Dear Judy, I wish you peace and happiness on this next journey of life.  For truly, death is just a continuation in the process of life.

Dana