Doing the "Happy Dance"!!

After reviewing my blog, I see there are so many details and aspects of "my story" that I have left out and wanted to write about. But maybe that is better. I hate to subject you to some of my digresses and ramblings. And I had so wanted to make it more interesting with some pictures and a more appealing format. Oh well!

So today I am in an incredibly better frame of mind than I have been for some time now. It has been difficult to maintain a positive attitude with the uncertainty of where this cancer would lead me. The beginning of February, the doctors told me that my cancer was very aggressive and that I was looking at a year or two of treatments and followups. I was even told, in so many words, that I should "put my affairs in order". In my mind, I had been given a death sentence. Over the past six weeks I have mulled over the many different scenarios: intensive chemotherapy with good success, intensive chemo with only a slight increase in life span, or no chemo but with quality -  of (however much) life -  over quantity of life. But whatever scenario was to take place, any decisions were going to be made based on educating myself completely on my different options. But just the fact that this type of decision HAD to be made was terrifying. Mortality was slapping me in the face.

But today, I am doing the Happy Dance!! I have had a reprieve! After another CT scan last week, there was no sign of the primary cancer. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that it is not there. It just means the cancer cannot be found and is "of unknown origin". So rather than willy-nilly treating me with chemo, they are not treating me at all. Their logic; chemo can do more harm than good at this point and if they treat something they cannot see or find, there is no way of telling if the chemo is doing any good. So yes, it is a reprieve only. The cancer is likely, eventually, to grow and show up and I might need treatment then. Just when (months or years?) is in the hands of the powers that be.

However, for the immediate future, I am not quite yet out of the woods. There are a few more tests I have to go through. There is still the colonoscopy to do. (The last one I was suppose to do in February got cancelled as I was so sick with the flu.) And they are going to do a CT scan on my head to make sure no cancer has metastasized to my brain. (I have had some vertigo the last six months.) My oncologist does not think this likely but wants to cover all basis. Then I have to see a Gastro-Intestinal oncologist/specialist  on April 27, I assume to go over results of the colonoscopy. And then another CT scan mid May to make sure the cancer has not reared it's ugly head again, and finally the Medical oncologist again on May 22 to go over everything to date. After that, I assume I will continue to have, at least semi-annually, CT Scans indefinitely.

Meanwhile, I will carry on with my new diet and do everything I possibly can to create an environment in my body that is hostile to the growth of new cancer cells. I will eat, breath, and sleep all things healthy! (Does that mean the rum and cokes will have to go? Oh Nooooo!)

And Neil and I will take life much less seriously (that does not mean less valuably), have more fun, and pretend we have won the lottery (although right now I feel as if I had), and go to the sun and sand, drink those cocoa locos, and revel in each others company.

I will  carry on making posts, but probably on the "month by month" schedule, as I learn more from the tests and doctors over the next few months. Who knows, maybe this will turn into a REAL "journey" blog, as Neil and I start our new lease on life and see more of the world.

Once again, thank you for all the good vibes, thoughts, energy and prayers sent my way. That might be what made the difference in the latest developments. I know they helped me through the last month, knowing I was loved and cared about.

Dana

PS. For those of you that were using my dananeil@lincsat.com email address, that address is now closed. My danamacb@gmail.com is the one I am using.